Sleeping and Reading

That’s what I’ve been up to for the past 2 days. More sleeping than reading, really, as I’m still battling this cold/flu thing. Not the best way to spend my last week in Eldoret.

Today was not the best day. Even though I’m technically on vacation, I went to rounds in the newborn unit (basically the NICU) with Hao, as it’s something I’d wanted to see and hadn’t yet had the chance. First off, I got terribly lost, and every time I asked anyone where the newborn unit was, they looked at me as if I was speaking a foreign language (which I very well could have been). I finally met up with Hao, and she took me to the unit – which I never would have found by myself. There was a small ante-chamber type area, where we had to take off our shoes and put on these slipper-type sandal things, as well as leave our gear and coats, to minimize the germs entering the unit. As soon as we opened the door into the actual unit, a wave of heat nearly knocked me down. Since they don’t have individual incubators, the small 3 room unit is packed to the brim with at least 25 space heaters on full blast. Great for the babies. Bad for the adults. I was in there for all of 3 minutes before I was sweating profusely. Between being sick and it being about 100 degrees in the teeny tiny unit, not to mention there were about a dozen of us all crammed together, I was not much of a champ during rounds today. I had to leave every 10 minutes or so to go sit down in the antechamber area and drink some water, lest I end up losing consciousness. It’s the first time that heat alone has made me feel like I was going to pass out.
And then Laurein came by the unit to say goodbye. So that was hard. She was crying, I was crying – a big cry-fest. So I eventually wander back into rounds with my eyes wet and red, my nose dripping, completely sweaty, and Hao just looks at me and says “are you ok?” Uh…yeah. Great. Never better. I managed to rally somewhat and made it through the last 30 minutes of rounds without leaving (or fainting!). Overall the morning was not my most shining moment.

After rounds Priti and I had our de-briefing lunch with Hao, to talk about the program, what we liked, what we didn’t like. Hao had some really nice things to say; that she appreciated our attitudes during the whole experience and that we were able to be so flexible. Some people rolling through IU house these 2 months have had nothing but negative things to say about the wards and the experience, so I appreciated that she separated us from that group. We also ended up eating with some of the Kenyan Registrars, including my favorite peds regirstrar, Julia. Julia, and most of the other registrars, have been to the US (or will go at some point) for 6 months to train. Juila was at IU during the horrible snowstorm(s) this winter, and hearing her stories of this experience are always quite entertaining. She is an incredibly intelligent person, and in the course of these 2 months, I’ve learned many many things from her – both medical and about life in general. She’s also very passionate about her work and her country. One day a few weeks ago, I asked her if she ever considered moving to the US. She said yes, she did, but when she thought about it she decided the children of Kenya needed her much more than the children in the US. American kids, she said, will always have doctors to care for them, but not so for the children of Kenya. Her only qualm is that her son would have more opportunities in America, and that’s something she struggles with. Seems like working moms struggle with a lot of the same things, no matter where they live.

During the course of our lunch, a downpour started (by the way, the rainy season is not over yet) and continued for a good 90 minutes. So, we all sat around the table chatting about anything and everything. I really enjoyed listening to the Kenyans’ stories about growing up, going to school, and now working in Kenya. They reminisced about the ‘good old days’ when they shared one or two room houses with their large families, not owning anything, being too poor to own shoes, etc. While it may sound terrible, they universally said that they remember those days with fondness; the days when life was simple. To hear those attitudes was amazing, and it was also amazing to think about how this group of people had risen from such poverty to become physicians. It makes me look like I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I guess, compared to them, I was. Priti and I also discussed our time in Kenya with the Kenyans, and they were happy and somewhat surprised when we told them we didn’t want to leave, and we would really miss being here.

It continued to rain and rain and ran and rain and RAIN (rainy season is still ON, did I mention?), so Priti and I decided to brave the 10 minute walk back to the hostel with only 1 small umbrella between us. We may as well of not had had it, for all the good it did us. By the time we got back to our room, we were thoroughly soaked and cold, and generally cranky in disposition. Napping being the best thing to do on a cold rainy day, I decided that was the best thing to do. Being my 4th nap in 2 days, I felt somewhat guilty being so lazy, but I really am trying not to bring the African gleeb back to Indiana. Also, I’ve been trying to use this downtime to rest up for my new elective that starts on Monday, as well as have some time to reflect on everything that’s happened. I’m trying to anticipate the various difficulties I will have in becoming an American again, in order to ease the transition. Still, though, I know it’s going to be hard. I know that many well-meaning people will ask “How was Africa?” and how can even BEGIN to answer that question? A short ‘fine’ or ‘good’ or even ‘great’ will not even begin to justify the experience, while attempting a more thorough explanation will just frustrate me, because I never can really, fully, explain it all.

I think the hardest part will be helping people understand how Africa has changed /me/. That I am not the same person I was when I left 2 short months ago; that the experiences and the people here have changed so much about how I look at the world, medicine, and just human beings in general. I am a part of Kenya now, and it is a part of me, but how can I fully convey that to everyone who was not here with me? This is something that I’ve wanted to do for the last 4 years, and now that it’s almost over – is that just it? Is it just over? I hope not, and I don’t think so. We’ve joked about Kenya reunions after we all get back to Indy, and the closer I get to leaving, the more I see how much we may all need that. Just to be with people who saw what I saw, who understand the beauty and the horror and the sorrow and the joy of Kenya without having to explain. It’s not that I don’t want the people in my life to understand, it’s just that I don’t know how I could ever convey it all.

Tomorrow begins a new round of farewells – we’re having lunch with some of our Kenyan team-mates and friends, then it’s our last Wednesday night dinner out with IU house. I suppose it’s appropriate that it’s at the same restaurant I had my very first IU house dinner.

I know this seems all tears and melodrama, but it’s really not so terrible. Goodbyes are hard, but I will keep in touch with the friends I’ve made here (Kenyan, Dutch, American, et al), and I’m not saying goodbye to Kenya forever…more like… see you later, or until next time…